Winter Night

When the wheel rolls around to this time of year, I am always reminded of issues of light and darkness. I am mindful that many people do not perceive that Yule (usually December 21st) is the shortest day of the year. But our bodies know it in our bones, our pineal glands, our viscera. I am keenly aware that when my co-workers, for example, forget to even say goodnight at the end of the day, they are probably working through their own seasonal sadness.

That there is an intense, childhood memory laden holiday at this time seems almost cruel; at a time when even healthy people are a little down. What would the world be like if Christmas was celebrated on June 25th instead, at the height of the sun rather than at its perihelion?

For someone like myself who is being treated for depression, it is a time of year where, once again, I do quarrel with the Shadow almost hourly. Striving to see that voice as a gift is hard; this is not the time I can hold its hand, the Shadow is not a cuddly fuzzy monster but an infiltrating doomcaller who inhabits every worry or fear. Still, I recognize that, no matter how Shadowy things get, I am holding on and reaching out to my friends, loves, and family. There is a lot to live for.

I am blessed and there are many others who do not even have the energy to keep up the struggle. There are those who tried and failed and I bless their memory and wish that things had gone differently for them: I am looking at you, John, Billy, and Lauren, and keeping your memory such as I have it.

To those who do not think they have the energy to fight, I ask that you accept a hug and encouragement from me. I hope that, since it comes from someone who knows the dark pit of depression, it may mean a little more. Please hold on for me, for you, for all those who will one day care and love you, for the fact that, very soon, we turn the corner on the waning of the Light and will start watching the days grow longer again. There is power in that metaphor… Even as the Earth passes through darkness and comes back through the other side, you can, too. May it be so. May it always be so.

Winter Night Picture, above, is Creative Commons licensed, check out this link for the creator:

Advertisement